Rugged Maniac 5K - Paoli, IN - 09/10/11

Whenever I look at a race calendar to see what races are upcoming, the vast majority are categorized in one of two types; road and trail.  But looking at the entry for the Rugged Maniac would reveal another category:

ADVENTURE. 

Oh baby.

For those that are unfamiliar, Rugged Maniac is a brand name for a nationwide series of adventure races that somewhat resemble an episode of Wipeout, only less cartoonish.  Like Wipeout, there are numerous obstacles, but instead of gigantic red rubber balls, there are mud pits, walls, and cargo nets that each participant has to navigate.  Here is a motivational promo video of theirs, and you will kind of get the idea of what the Rugged Maniac is all about:

There are many other similar races out there that have the same general structure; The Warrior Dash, Rebel Race and Tough Mudder, etc.  They all market themselves as their product being a sort of "life-changing" event that can be crossed off of your bucket list.  I haven't any idea which one of these was the first and who copied off of whom, but on race day none of that stuff mattered.  I was ready.  I had done some obstacle training that summer to prepare myself and did some scouting by watching YouTube videos and perusing the course map.  I felt confident going in.

I had signed up for the Rugged Maniac way back in June, and I wouldn't be alone.  Many of my friends from the Southern Indiana YMCA signed up as well, and on race day we were rolling 25 deep at Paoli Peaks, which is normally a ski resort.  But there would be no bunny slopes today.  I knew what I was in for, which is why I wore an old worn-out pair of Pearl Izumis and clothes I really didn't care if they got muddy, torn, or both.

We had all signed up for the early 9:00 starting wave (which go off every half-hour from 9 until 4) and with 15 minutes until the race's start, we made our way down to the line.  A bad omen arose when the PA system played "Let's Get it Started" and "Raise Your Glass", two songs I detest, in an attempt to motivate everyone.  Man oh man do those songs suck.  So much for motivation.  I would have gone with "Eye of the Tiger" myself.  Everyone would have gone berserk. Another time, perhaps.  Because then we were off!

Down the hill we went.  Running downhill can be extremely dangerous, especially on the wet grass we had to contend with.  I didn't go crazy fast and followed the general advice for running down a steep decline; arch the body back and take small steps.  Finally, at the bottom of the hill we hit a patch of flat turf and I aired it out for a little bit.  This would be the easiest it would get for us.

Running down a hill could only mean one thing:  Having to run back up.  That's exactly what we endured next, as we trudged our way up what normally would be a ski slope.  I don't know if the grade of the hill was a double black diamond, but it might as well have been K2 that morning because the brisk pace we initially set on slowed considerably.  I had recently finished reading Christopher McDonnell's excellent book Born To Run and I recalled a piece of advice within it in regards to tackling steep hills:  "If you can't see the top, walk."  I was only too happy to heed that advice.

After finally scaling the hill, we finally had some fun; an obstacle!  It was the cargo net.  Climb to the top, swing your leg over, and drop down.  Nice and easy.

The pads we landed on were stuntman-worthy; very thick and soft.  I have a tendency to sprain my ankles, but as soon as I landed off the cargo net I knew I had nothing to worry about when I had to fall later on.  But then it was time to get wet...

They call it the "Drowned Rat Maniac", down a slide into a pit of water, where floating barriers could be ducked under or climbed over.  9:00 AM water is cold.  It nearly took my breath away.  The later time slots had it easy.  After ducked my head under the first barrier, I came to my senses and climbed over the rest.

Running while completely soaked is an ordeal.  What normally would be an easy obstacle like running tires was made a bit difficult while carrying around all of that extra water weight.  I had enough water weight to begin with, but I digress.  Next, we climbed up planks nailed between two trees about 15 feet high, then carefully climb down the other side.  It reminded me of Full Metal Jacket when Private Pyle couldn't negotiate a similar obstacle and quit on his Drill Instructor.  While I didn't have R. Lee Ermey insulting me mercilessly to contend with, I had to give a wide berth to the large poison ivy vine growing on the left tree.  I warned the racers around me to avoid it, just in case some of them were city boys.  Oh, and wearing an old pair of baseball gloves was a smart move.  Trust me.  They made all of the wall climbing so much easier.

Crawling through a tunnel, running while carrying a log, wading through a creek (no snapping turtles, thankfully), 10-foot walls; the obstacles kept coming.  So did another set of hills.  Seeing another steep hill in front of me bruised my morale.  Aren't we near the end already?  Of all the other Rugged Maniac videos I viewed, none of them had hills like Paoli's.  It may go down as the most difficult and challenging Rugged Maniac course extant.  Ironman Hawaii = Rugged Maniac Paoli.

But there it was, the finish!  All that lay between was a fire jump and a mud pit to crawl through.   Compared to the hills?  Easy breezy.  The fire jump was just a small and over-hyped hurdle, and the worst thing about the mud was dealing with more cold water.  Hello shrinkage!  Oh, and watch out for that barbed wire!

Then, 37 minutes and 14 seconds after it all began, I completed the course without a scratch on me, but completely worn out.

Think you can tell?

I am happy to report that everybody in our group completed the course and nobody was seriously injured.  This was truly a physical test, I could have not run the course again that day even if I wanted to.  My quads were in sheer agony for the next 4-5 days.

Out of the 99 people in our time slot, I finished 15th, and 162nd out of 711 male finishers.  Which isn't bad, considering I'm not in optimum shape.  Maybe someday.

I would like to close out this entry by paying tribute to my amazing friends that ran with me that morning.  Especially my best friend Jeannette, who took some of the pictures of me in action, and Deana Carl, who talked me into doing the race in the first place.  Even though she crashed into my shoulder flying down the slide:

I look like Lee Harvey Oswald when he got shot.

What a crew we had.  I would go to war with them any time, any place.  I feel privileged to have been a part of it all.  Let's do it again next year!

Photos by Jeannette Torrez, Sandy Phillips, and Angie Tate.